the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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