apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
