You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
