I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
