a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Who did Billy Mays play for?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
