Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
