My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
