I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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