remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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