The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
