I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize