I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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