I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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