ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
