If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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