Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
ok first of all what the fuck
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
