I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
