i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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