Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
