She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am naked and annoyed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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