omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
