thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
