Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
