...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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