the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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