Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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