wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
