I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He felt like a one man threesome
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
