your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize