Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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