I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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