I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
