Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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