At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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