If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
