I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is