let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.