Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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