i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There r osticjed everywhere
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"