Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed