what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
