The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
