Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
