my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
