i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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