I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dignity is for republicans.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
