my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
