I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
