i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
