Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize