they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
