thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
