Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
