Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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