my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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