the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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