We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
